Warning!!

This blog entry is going to be long… it’s a collection of things I had written on the plane to and from Brazil, reflections about the last little while.

Graduation – June 8th, 2005
June 7th evening I sat in my room with mixed feelings about the next day- my graduation day from Dentistry. I know to some people graduation doesn’t mean much, just a day packed with many other people, so boring that others choose to skip it all together. For me though, it is a day that I have much awaited. The last three years of my life have been some of the toughest and most painful years of my life, but also years of experiencing God’s blessings and provisions.

Tuesday night more than anything I was missing my dad. I know the two days in my life I would miss him the most would be one my graduation but also my wedding. You see, I have always been a daddy’s girl. As long as I could remember my father was the one who make a big fuss of my smallest accomplishments, guess that is how words encouragement became one of my love languages (Gary Chapman) evolved. In my sister’s room a few tears dropped and my mother just so happened to check on me and I am sure that she missed dad too.

June 8th came and Tammy, mom and I drove down to convocation hall. The day started with a faculty ceremony at Hart House. While I entered the back door to line up Tammy and mom found their seats. Looking around, all the excitement as we were chattering and taking pictures. Some classmates were still finishing their clinic requirements that morning but made it in time as their names were called on stage.

Finally it was my turn, I was called onto stage, got my certificate and then Dean Mock said stop Amy. I had won a prostho award… then another stop, a perio award… and then finally another stop radiology. Some of my classmates claimed they weren’t surprised at all, but I sure was, my mom said I looked actually looked shocked. Guess because in the past 3 years, dentistry has been the least of my priorities, missing dad, handling family stuff, a really painful breakup all clouded ability to focus on school. I think of the many times I had wanted to quit yet being reminded again and again of God’s blessings and provisions. It was really His strength that carried me through.

Another surprise came after the afternoon convocation hall ceremony. Tammy and Connie had arranged for my friends, Yu Ling, Prisc Y and Jenn to come to my graduation. Aww I felt so special.

An image that served as a powerful reminder was as we were lining up to enter Convocation Hall. Since I am at the end of the alphabet, the graduating medicine class was lined up behind us. One of the guys, two thirds across the field held up two large cardboard signs that said “I love you mom.” When we sat down we got talking, turns out the medical student is the brother of one of our periodontal residents Dr. Adams. Their mother is in critical care for cancer at PMH and Dr. Adams had given his mother a pair of binoculars and coordinated it so that when she looked out the window that Wednesday morning she saw her son walking across the convocation hall field. I am sure my dad was looking down from heaven.

Brazil... this is going to be long.. so there is a long version day by day.. i'll post a shorter version later.. but now for bed...

Brazil - Day 1
I couldn't believe that the day had finally arrived, I was actually going to be leaving for Brazil. So much had happened in the past few weeks that I haven't really had time to sit down and reflect.

Prisc Y drove me to the Pearson airport and as we were talking with our teas and smoothies I knew it was a blessing to have such a sister really praying and equally or possibly more excited than I was, as I embarked on this journey. Some fears loomed over my heard; fear that I might not be competent, though now I had finally graduated, I know the walking across the stage did not signify that my competence would suddenly appear, rather just that I was stepping into a world where I would no longer have someone always looking over my shoulder but also there to help if needed.

As we were talking and praying some specifics that I know I really want to focus on this trip,
- to be changed in this process
- see have an open heart to see what God has prepared
- to be in constant prayer. It is so easy to be just doing- i.e. whether it be an extraction or just interactions with people, really want to learn what it means to be constantly praying - Do no be anxious about anything but in everything prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your request to God And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4-7-8
-learning to be constantly in tune with God, so that my words are not my words, and the movements of my hands are those of God and not me

Will brought up a really good point on Monday, about short-term mission trips, what benefit are they really? It was in Urbana 2000 that sparked an interest to learn more about missions. I remember sitting at the Shugharts and just absorbing from all the passionate people around me. They were from different walks and all with one desire, to serve God through going overseas with their skills. However the discussion of community but more particularly being challenged by Alan at Sanctuary, my concept of serving and using my skills to serve has definitely evolved. He was sharing about how at Sanctuary the term "volunteer" doesn't exist, rather being part of the community. One doesn't just play role of e.g. doctor rather first part of the community and everyone plays their role with their gifts. It’s very humbling indeed, as with the pride that comes with graduation, the title of doctor, however in the eyes of God it is only one of the many parts of the body. Missions, what does it mean to be effective?
As I told Will, my theology of missions is evolving.

And in conversation with Yuling about his excitement and interest as he attends his theology class, an evolving theology seems to be common theme, the deconstruction and reconstruction of different theologies. Prisc asked whether it was possible to ever be correct or right on a theology. It reminded me of a passage that I had read earlier in luke 11 about the six woes . l fear one day ending up like one of the Pharisees who clean the outside of the cup and dish but inside are full of greed and wickedness. The possible fears scare me, as a person who considers oneself religious... or like the expert of the law - one who seems know alot but does not put into practice rather cause the burden of others to be heavier.. Maybe the key to being so puffed up is this journey of constant questioning and exploring.

I have a feeling that this week will be one of much seeing and learning in addition to doing.
Boarded the plane at 11 pm, I read a bit of Chronicles of Narnia then started to journal random thoughts. I know for one I am blessed with the ability to sleep in all conditions, sleeping in a plane is nothing. A 10 hour plane ride means good sleep.

Brazil Day 2
- I was awakened by the breakfast trolley. Wow arrival at Sao Paulo, I still can't believe it. The excitement is slowly taking place of the fear that was present at the airport.

I got off the plane.. yes at sao paulo, you could tell that I stood out quite a bit, luckily had learnt the exit sign, saida and followed the signs to the exit. I picked up my luggage and to much relief they didn't check at customs because opening of the black suitcase would have lead to questions as to why I was bringing boxes of antibiotics and extraction instruments. =p

I wandered into the arrival area, waited for about 5 minutes until Janis, Dr Lin’s wife, arrived. What excitement to see Jonathan and Janise in Brazil. At the door waiting for us, out stepped Paula. Here in Brazil greetings are not by handshakes but by big warm hugs. With a big smile, Paula gave me the biggest hug ever. Janis explained to me that she was the wife of the second cousin of Dr. Lin, a plastic surgeon, who along with the rest of the extended family in Sao Paulo, has been praying for us.

Paula drove us all around town to get dental supplies. In the comfortable Corolla sat, Jonathan Dr. Lin's youngest son, Janis, Anita, Paula, myself and how could one forget little Matthew, aka Matteo. Janis recounted to us that Matthew had been abandoned at birth by his parents and that Paula and Sah Wit had raised him since he was a baby. The smile and happiness on his face though showed no sign of unhappiness. Fun and smiles transcend all culture and language barrers. I joined the ranks of the playful kids, as we played hide and seek in the supermarket and then tag in the dental supply department store. I stopped to load the shopping cart with chocolate and coffee.

Paula brought us to one of her favorite local snack shops, Empadas.... so good.. Brazilian pastries with either chicken, beef fish or shrimp inside.. hmm.. and along with that Guarana, a drink made of a local fruit and of course famous Brazilian Coffee.

We then proceeded to Sao Paulo's oldest shopping mall. Janis grew up in Sao Paula, leaving the city at the age of 7. The population of the world's 5th densest city is 14 million. As we drove to the shopping mall, you could see the large contrast the wealth that existed on one side and the extreme poverty as a large population lined the streets with huts and shelter under bridges and near sewers.

Then from the Sao Paulo airport we boarded a plane to a smaller city, Cuiaba where we would catch up with the rest of the team. At the airport we were greeted by Jay and Mike, both who grew up in Brazil but now lived in Texas and belonged to the Texas McKinney Baptist Church. As I was staring out the window of the taxi, we noticed a really big party that was going on. Mike went one to tell us that it was the night of one of the big parties in Cuiaba which also happened to be organized by the catholic church, who was also the benefactor of the entrance fees and the earnings from the alcohol sales.. hm… something just didn’t sound right.. Turns out that as I was musing all this in my head, Mike had been talking to the taxi driver about the gospel and sharing about the significance of having a personal relationship with Christ… wow…

Got to the Eldorado hotel to be greeted by my teammates from Canada. This trip is actually much more comfortable than I had expected. Last year the team had slept on the boat and on hammocks, there year we actually get real beds. I will be sharing a room with Jenn and Yvonne this whole trip. The two of them are high school friends and are bonded by the experiences at UTS but also surviving first year of university. Kevin another teammate and myself have been praying for both of them to personally know Christ better. Yvonne actually reminds me a lot of myself; when I used to attend church cause my parents made me and the thing that I looked forward to most was seeing my friends. Jenn on the other hand grew up in a Catholic family however rarely attended church. Kevin actually just gave Jenn, her first bible a couple weeks ago.

I also had a chance to meet a couple others from the Texas team. Dr. Lin had mentioned Jay B. (different from the one who had picked us up at the airport. Jay and his wife Joanne had been part of the mission team to Brazil for the last two years, however last summer after the trip to the Amazon, Joanne was on a balcony and the foundation failed and she fell 20 stories. Fortunately she did not die but had to go through 16 surgeries. The whole church gathered to pray for each one of the surgeries and the doctors were amazed how smoothly they all went, moreover Joanne brought joy to many other hospital patients. Time came around for the preparation for the 2005 Brazil mission trip. Jay’s heart wanted to go but knew that he had to stay to take care of Joanne. Joanne however was insistent that return to Brazil to serve God’s people. I stood there as Dr. Lin asked Jay the details of Joanne’s health, humbled as this man of God spoke softly. – please continue to pray for Joanne as she has another spinal surgery coming up in August.

Back in the room, each of us took turns to make, “We’re alive” calls back home. Jenn however was reluctant to call, convinced that her mother would tell her she was wasting money. But as the conversation continued tears rolled down Jenn’s face. When she hung up she shared that her 11 year old cousin, Lee had a diagnosis of cancer.. and that Lee’s bother had died from cancer a couple years ago. We all shed tears that night and ended with a time prayer. Yvonne and Jenn pointed out that they never really felt comfortable praying and we ended up talking a bit about prayer.

I showered and then fell asleep with much anticipation what the next day had in store but remembering Joanne, little Lee and Jenn’s family.

Brazil - Day 3

An early morning call then a quick breakfast, as 11 us from Canada and around 32 from Texas filed into two bused to the Cuiaba Baptist Church. We were ushered in to a small room and started the morning with loud southern Baptist worship. Pastor Elicio then shared with us what he was going to be preaching in the main service, in Portuguese, Daniel 3. Then all 40+ of us joined hands in prayer for the service, for the people in the Cuiaba church that were planning to join the team, the people we would be encountering in the smaller town in Pocone and ultimately the villages of Piriam, but also for Joanne and little Lee. The unity as all stood together singing, crying and praying an image I will never forget.

Then with yellow uniform shirts we entered the main sanctuary of a church with a congregation of 1400 people. This sanctuary was possibly nicer than the one in TCBC, with a full band, up to date audiovisual sound system. The thing that really struck me though was the passion with which people praised God. It is probably related to the warm nature of Brazilian people but the whole room was shaking. All the songs were in Portuguese, however with our dictionaries, Kevin and I figured out the gist of the songs. And our ears perked when they sang All in All in Portuguese. The whole service was about following Christ especially in the area of missions. One of the main goals of this Brazil Project was connect the local churches with the more remote villages and get them to follow up the seeds that are planted and around 80 pple from this cuiaba church got involved in different capacities ranging from medical, evangelical to acting as translators for the north American team members.

Over lunch we got to know the teens from the Cuiaba Church, Tjanjo, Hugo, Philippe, Wilsone, Carlson, Carla, Luanne. Despite language differences the guitar and music was a instant connection point. We learnt how to sing Open the Eyes of my Heart and Come Now is the tie to worship in Portuguese. =)

Then we all hopped onto a bus for a 2 hour bus ride to a small town call Pocone. We arrived at the Pocone church which consisted of a building with 4 walls, a roof and a fence surrounding it. In the back was a pile of rumble which the Construction team of the Brazil Mission team intended to turn into an extension for the church. It was around 1pm and we all crowded in the small amount of shade as the Pocone Baptist Church pastor greeted us in Portuguese with Pastor Elicio as the translator. Then the congregation of Pocone got together to sing a song… “We can do it together” in English… that brought tears to my eyes.. After the service we hopped onto the bus again for another 2 hour bus ride deeper to Pantanal.

As I mentioned before the living conditions this year were so much better. In Pantanal we got to stay at a nice hotel with a swimming pool and all. Each morning we would have to take a boat into Piriam the main village that we would be focusing on. In the evening as the group was discussion logistics – we learnt that a boat called PatanalVida had arrived at the dock of Pantanal. It was a boat that was a vision of some pastors and health care professionals to have a boat that could provide long term care to villages along this branch of the Amazon river, that it would provide health to the whole body, so it included a dental room, medical consultation rooms and a nice deck to hang out. It had taken the pastor 5 days on the water to get to our area.. as I sat there excited and then headed off to bed.

Amazon Day 4
- we woke up at 6am to get ready as we were told that the boat would leave at 7:30am sharp . I really want to learn to the first thing when I am awake tobe thinking and praising God, so that when I rise and when I lie down, itis God who I am reflecting upon.

We gathered for a time of devotions and studied the passage of psalms 139, Pastor elicio pointed out that such an amazing God would pay attention to minute details in our individual lives. Being such a visual person this really hit me as we were on the boat travelling to Pirimiam.

Prayers though especially for Yvonne and Jennifer, in addition to reading Psalms 139, Pastor Elicio went through passages that outlined how to discern God's will. He made it sound like all was needed to know what GOd wants, e.g. going to the Casino, was to follow these clear simple 7 steps. Hmm... dunno even I don't totally really agree with that... but ya continual prayer. Really hope that they can know God for themself.

As for boat, this year, the especially organized to have a boat that travelled 5 days from Motto Sud that is fully equipped with dental equipment and low and behold airconditioning!!!

When we got to Piriam though, unlike previous years there wasn't a line up and we had alot of setting up to do. It was a really humbling experience, to truly learn what means to be ready to serve God in all capacities. We helped from moving medical supplies, setting up the optometry tent.. especially seeing others from texas ready to serve in all capacity. One lady, Rixie, is actually a registered nurse, but since there were more than enough nurses so she dived in and went to help the cooking team(The cooking team would cook meals for all the people who came from different villages to get treatment. ). But in the afternoon she came in and helped in one of the dental rooms.

My first patient in Brazil was a young woman about age of 20 by the name of Jiram. She opened her mouth and all I saw were perfect teeth with some coffee stains on the lingual side of her maxillary teeth. Adriana the translator asked her what the problem was and she replied that she only wanted a cleaning. So for my first patient on Monday morning I did the cleaning and since we weren't finished setting up until 11:30am one cleaning was all I did that morning and the line up outside were all young ladies who just wanted cleanings.

Honestly I was a bit disappointed, it was so different from what I had expected. However like pastor elicio emphasized we had to learn to be flexible and work together. Over lunch, we were talking to a couple girls from the Cuiaba church, with luciane being our translator. Upon asking why Lucianne had such amazing English she replied that she was studying law and had to take English as requirement. This young girl was also serving in the cooking team, totally not related to her field. She was telling us how she would help in the day time and then study in the evening.

Lucianne wants to specialize in the field of Environmental law, focusing on streams because she sees how hydro power used in bigger cities such a cuiaba would affect little villages such as Piriam. Though she realizes that many of the villagers are merely focused on their livelihood things such as the environment or the beauty of the river however she wishes to play her part.

Seeing all these people ready to serve and realizing my heart, was a total reminder of what I had been praying about earlier, that I was going with the expectation to use my particular dental skills, rather be ready to serve God in all capacities.

The afternoon was a totally different picture though, the villagers must have taken a while to get to piriam because in the afternoon a line up formed. Dr. Lucianne the dentist from cuiaba started first in the fancy denal operatory. I got the garbage bag covered bag in one of the bed rooms, whereas Dr. Lin was working on a lawn chair on the deck of the boat.

My first extraction patient needed 6 teeth taken out, with 4 of them being subginvival and 2 of them with gross caries. With Jenn holding the flashlight I startd my first extraction in Brazil, crack.... one of the teeth with a huge cavity just broke and shattered in my forceps... it totally humbling.. working without fancy lights, suction, a dental chair.. as I sit here reflecting I realize that once I started to do the extractions i had become to preoccupied with doing the tasks I had totally forgotten the continual prayer that I had tried to learn. I really wish to be able to be like the psalmist in 139, the thoughts of God's is as numerous as the grains of sand.

The line ups didn't stop, the next extraction I did was a full mouth clearance, Dr. Lucianne had one patient for whom she took out 21 teeth...

We worked until Pastor Elicio, had to stop us because it would get too late to drive the boat back... my last extraction, I had to get Dr. Lin to help with 2 teeth... the patient left and the boat started immediately. Man the afternoon went by so quickly.

The boat trip back we slowly watched the sky get dark, since we were going downstream the boat ride back only took 50 minutes.

We unloaded the boat and Kevin shone his flash light to make sure that we didn't trip or step on feces of animals. Dr Lin then looked up and wow.. the sky..the moon was shining brightly and there was a mosaic of clouds...we had been focusing o much on doing that we had neglected to see the bigger picture...